Another June 16th has come and gone, and it felt good to pass another milestone! Although I am three years post op, there are days it feels like just yesterday that our life was turned upside down.
My last MRI was in January and the days following were a bit rough with lots of anxiety and worry. After days of not hearing whether my scan was clear or not, I started calling my doctor to find out if she had received the results. Usually if results are good my doctor lets me know over the phone and I can go about my life. This time that was not the case, I was told on a Monday at 3pm that my doctor wanted me to come in and go over the results. My heart sank. I instantly went down the rabbit hole and internal dialogue of, "I don't think I can go through this again", "What does this mean for Wren?", "If it's back, that means radiation", "Radiation means 6 weeks away from Wren and Tanner", "Radiation means potential loss of vision and hearing", and so on and so fourth. Then came the news that my doctor couldn't see me until the end of the following day to review the results. I grabbed Wren from her kindergarten pick up line and left work as fast as I possibly could. Through tears, I called tanner and told him the news, and told him that I was on my way to the doctors office to see if there was any way possible that my doctor could see me at the end of her day, I would wait as long as I needed to. Tanner met me at the doctors office along with my parents and they took Wren while we went in. Unfortunately we were met with resistance and were not able to see the doctor, as we assumed. We knew that waiting for the appointment the following afternoon was going to be a long, scary, and sleepless night. We left, picked up Wren, and headed home.
After dinner I went into work to prepare supply plans as I knew tomorrow I would not be in the right head space to be at work. We tried to go on as normal that night but it was hard, to say the least. Tanner tried to lighten the situation as he always does and remained positive. He took the next day off and my mom also came to hang out for the day as it was an emotional rollercoaster for everyone involved.
It was finally time for our appointment and Tanner and I were both shaking in fear as we had been for the previous 24 hours. Our doctor enters the room and she pulls up the results and she starts asking me about my neck. There is instant confusion as she says there was an area on the MRI that "lit up" in my neck. I mentioned that in my previous scans (2 years ago) I had a slipped disc in my neck. She referred back to previous scan results, and they matched, indicating that we were aware of this disc years ago, and that essentially nothing has changed with it. Once she compared results I had to stop her and ask, "Is my tumour growing back?". With which she replies, "No, I just wanted to do a physical exam of your neck to see if there was any pain". Tanner and I instantly looked at each other and teared up with joy! The tumour wasn't back and this was all over a slipped disc that we had already known about. We were able to leave the office having received our favourite MRI sentence, "There is no evidence of disease regrowth". HALLELUJAH. I headed to my parents house where everyone awaited us, and walked through the door to many worried looks and relayed the good news. There were many happy tears to follow.
Life was able to go on and I will go another year before my next scan given no symptoms appear. It was in that moment that I again was reminded of how fast things can change and how grateful I am for my friends and family that go through this journey with me. I could never thank them all enough!
Wren's birthday is always such a warm and welcomed celebration each year and we couldn't be happier for everything she has accomplished this year! However, she also had a couple bumps in the road this year as we discovered that she has an anaphylactic allergy to nuts. As we were visiting Ottawa for Wren's G-Nan's birthday, she ate a cashew and instantly reacted to it. Her face started to swell quickly and she began crying, followed by throwing up. She appeared to have difficulty breathing and things were progressing really fast. Once we saw her facial swelling we knew she needed medical attention. We grabbed our bags with plans of driving her but soon realized we didn't have time. We called 911 and waited for an ambulance. After many epinephrine injections in her legs we arrived at CHEO where a team of doctors tended to her.
It's hard to recall the specifics as it felt like we were living a nightmare and all we could do was watch. The reaction was bi-phasic, meaning a recurrence of anaphylaxis after appropriate treatment, so her reaction went on for hours. She was admitted to the ICU for the night with hopes that after a while it would be under control. As parents, it was one of the worst pains we have felt as we watched this all unfold and watched our little Roo battle through it all. We were sent home the following afternoon but quickly returned to the hospital as she was still having difficulty breathing. After some more Epinephrine (we have lost count of how many injections at this point) and another night in the hospital, we were sent home. They advised we stay close to the hospital for another night as the reaction seemed to be lessening, but another 24 hours of close observation wouldn't hurt as the initial reaction was so severe, so we booked a hotel room and stuck around. Wren finally had a good night and we started our trek home. Of course we had to stop at the mall first as we had promised multiple toys and treats if she was brave through her time at the hospital.
She now wears 2 EpiPen's at all times and a medical alert bracelet. We are avoiding all nuts at this time just to be safe. We will go to Sick Kids in September to get some more answers and do allergy testing.
Nonetheless, Wren is turning 5 this year! I hope she is able to look back at this and realize just how much she means to me. If there was anything I could tell her on her 5th birthday it would be...
Dear Wrenley,
Wow, what a year you have had! You have continued to fall in love with sports, and we love to watch you. You love to play golf with daddy, field lacrosse, hockey, soccer, and gymnastics. This year you started school and my girl you have excelled beyond our wildest dreams. You brighten my day when I see you in the hallway. You have made friends, gained confidence in yourself, and lead with kindness and we couldn't be more proud to call you ours.
You continue to love your family, "pups", telling jokes, playing sports, and doing it all with a side of sass! Although this year has been filled with change for you, you continue to show us just how resilient you are and how brave a 4 year old can be. You are kind, determined, strong, brave, and at times a stubborn little force to be reckoned with, and we wouldn't want it any other way. Our hope for you is that you continue to accept everyone for who they are, help others when they are in need, and dream big! Oh... and we hope you never eat another cashew in your lifetime!!! As your Mom and Dad we want you to know how unconditionally you are loved and how much joy and happiness you bring into our lives. We love you so much it hurts. Dream big our little Roo!
Love,
Mommy
P.S. "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine..."
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