LOVED ONE- Sonia's Perspective
I’m Sonia. Tal (my husband) and I are lucky enough to call Braun our daughter-in-law.
Tanner and Braun were high school sweethearts, so I have had the privilege of watching her grow up over the last 15 years. From a shy, sweet teenage girl to a beautiful confident, woman, she has always exuded kindness, love and determination in her various roles as daughter, sister, friend, gymnast, girlfriend, student, graduate, aunt, fiancé, teacher, wife and mother.
On June 2nd 2021, Tal and I were at my parents’ house for our weekly card night when we got a call from Tanner that we absolutely never saw coming. “We are at the hospital and Braun has a brain tumor”. I instantly started crying. I don’t think it was because I could actually process what was being said but rather because I could hear the pain and fear in my son’s voice as he said it.
A million thoughts raced through my mind along with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. How is this possible? What does this mean? What is going to happen? While I wanted these answers immediately, unfortunately the medical system doesn’t actually work that way.
My first thought was to jump in the car and get from Ottawa to Owen Sound immediately. However, with the limited information they had at that time and the lack of any firm plan going forward, Tanner said to sit tight and wait for more information. They were waiting to hear from London and he said he would call when he had any updates. With that, we left my parents and headed for home. Tears just kept coming.
Once home, we didn’t really know what to do with ourselves. With such a feeling of helplessness, I found myself trying to keep busy, tidying and cleaning anything I could find in the event we had to leave at a moments notice. We were just waiting for the phone to ring with an update, hoping that the next call would be that it was all a big mistake and this wasn’t actually happening. Tal was constantly trying to comfort and reassure me that everything was going to be fine so it was heart wrenching at one point to find him breaking down in the garage all by himself.
I had to make some difficult phone calls to our daughter, Mackenna and to Tal’s parents. I don’t even know what I said to them but through my tears I think I passed on all of the information that we had at that time.
Tanner called us back at some point that evening after they left the hospital in Owen Sound to say that Braun would be having some additional tests that would be arranged in the coming days and they would ultimately meet with the neurosurgeon in London as the tumor needed to be removed. This would be happening sooner rather than later due to its size. He said to stay put for now as they would need us when the time came for the surgery.
With that information, we got into bed for the night. Sleep was all but impossible. So many thoughts. Sick feeling still intact.
I thought of Al & Sherry and Carmen & Joel and the boys (who adore Auntie B) and how they must be feeling. I thought of our sweet little innocent Wrenley and how unfair this is to be happening to her Mommy. I thought of Tanner and how Braun is his one true love and how devastating this news must be for him to deal with and still stay strong for her. But mostly I thought of Braun. She has to be terrified. How long has the tumor been growing? What has she been putting up with over the last few years with a brave face? Has she been dealing with symptoms from this tumor throughout university, house renos, wedding planning, pregnancy, motherhood and COVID? How can something so bad happen to someone so good?
The next few days were spent getting updates, gathering information and sharing everything we learned with family and friends. The sick feeling never left and nothing could ever stop my mind from thinking of the “M” word. It was all consuming. I did my best to work from home and to try and keep my mind as busy as possible.
After all the tests were completed, Braun and Tanner met with the neurosurgeon. We were all holding our breath for what he had to say. It was decided that Braun would go into the hospital on 15 Jun 21 and the surgery to remove the tumor would happen on 16th. Tal and I planned to take 2 weeks off work to come and help take care of Wrenley while they were gone to London and while Braun healed. It was good to have a firm plan, however terrifying that plan was.
In the meantime, Braun was exactly where she needed to be. She was spending time with those closest to her. I’m sure every moment that was spent with Wrenley was extra special and there is no doubt that Wren got an abundance of extra squeezes during that time. The support Tanner and Braun received from family and friends was overwhelming to say the least and there is no doubt that they had their entire community behind them as they began the journey to conquer this together.
We travelled to Owen Sound on the 14th of June and arrived to find all the bags packed (they had probably been that way for several days as Braun is an ultimate organizer) and them physically (but maybe not mentally) ready to depart for London. It was nice to finally be able to give them all a big hug. We hadn’t visited since February (due to COVID) so it was great to be there, but wished it had been under much different circumstances. Braun looked exactly the same, as beautiful and vibrant as always, so it was hard to digest that in less than 48 hrs she would be having brain surgery. There were several tough good-byes that afternoon with Braun’s Mom and Dad and undoubtedly the toughest of all was with Miss Wrenley Maye. There is no way that Wren could have known the gravity of the situation when Braun gave her that last squeeze and for that I’m very thankful. With all the good-byes said, they were off to the hotel.
Tanner dropped her off the following morning for the embolization procedure and wasn’t able to stay at the hospital. He waited back at the hotel. Al & Sherry and Carmen & Joel and family were also staying at the hotel. I was thankful he had them there for support. They have always been there for him and have treated him like a son from the time we were posted out of Meaford in 2009 (9 years before they were even married). It definitely put my mind at ease knowing they were there too. They are the kindest people and you can definitely see how they shaped Braun into the amazing person she is. We had Wren to keep us busy throughout the day…. and busy she was. But that meant Braun was all alone. There were hopes that she would get into her own room after the procedure and Tanner would be able to stay the night with her. Instead he just got a short visit. It absolutely broke my heart that they each had to be alone that night and I had an absolute melt down after Wrenley went to bed. It just didn’t seem fair that they couldn’t be together. Sick feeling that had diminished some over the last week or two – was back in full force. Sleep was intermittent that night to say the least.
Finally, it was the day of the surgery. I was thankful when the time finally passed and I knew that Braun was in surgery. At least that way I knew she wasn’t waiting alone and afraid. Again, we had Wrenley to keep us busy and did our best to have a “normal” day with her. But this day was nothing normal. Time seemed to go so slow and I think we must have looked at the clock and checked our phones a million times that day. I frequently thought about the surgeon that was operating and how while we moved from activity to activity throughout the day he stayed in the same spot for hours and hours with concentration and precision literally saving Braun’s life. When Wrenley woke up from her nap that afternoon, we decided to take her for a walk in her little blue car. We were out front of West Hill School when we finally got the call from Tanner. Braun was in recovery and the surgeon described the surgery as “uneventful”. That was a moment I don’t think we will ever forget. Sick feeling subsided a bit but there was still a long road to recovery and I knew we would all feel quite a bit better when Tanner had a chance to see her for himself.
All of Tanner’s updates were good news. Braun was being watched very closely, but things were going as well as could be expected. Within 48 hours post-op, she was released from the hospital. Her biggest fear was that Wrenley would be afraid of her as her head was partially shaved and she had over 50 staples. We showed Wren a post-op picture before Braun got home. She didn’t skip a beat and said mommy has a boo-boo and then proceeded to show us her boo-boo (which was a scraped knee that she got a few days prior).
Wrenley helped make cupcakes and we went and got balloons with Al for the big homecoming. It was incredible to watch Braun walk back into the house knowing everything she had been through since she left. Amazingly, she could recall and describe almost everything that took place while she was in the hospital. When Wrenley woke up from her nap, she was happy to see Daddy come and get her from her crib and was quick to cuddle in with Mommy after being told she had to be gentle because of Mommy’s boo-boo.
Tanner doted on Braun making sure she was comfortable and ensuring all her meds were administered on schedule. There were lots of visitors but the focus was on recovery. Braun had to take it easy. We had planned to stay in Owen Sound for one more week – but by Saturday afternoon it was clear that a toddler who wants her mommy, a mommy who needs to rest and has lifting restrictions, and a house full of people aren’t conducive to recovery. It was decided we’d bring Wrenley back to Ottawa for the week and give Braun some peace and quiet to start the healing process. Even though it was the right decision for Braun, there were still tears involved because she didn’t want to be away from Wrenley any longer than necessary. No matter what you are going through, you never stop being a Mom.
I am so proud of Tanner and Braun and how they have fought through the past 4 months together as a team. Undoubtedly, something like this is the toughest on the person going through it. But that, is closely followed, by the person who loves them most. It’s during the tough times that you realize who you can count on and who you want by your side. I know that Tanner made Braun feel that she wasn’t facing this alone. From shaving half his head to match her “new look” to being overly protective of her during her recovery, he definitely stepped up to the plate. Braun also made a point to ensure Tan had a chance to golf or does something “normal” throughout all the chaos - so selfless of her – she’s amazing. I can’t say enough about the strength, courage and grace that Braun has displayed from diagnosis through to recovery and what an incredible role model she is for her daughter. Sharing her photos and her story with the end goal of helping others is just another example of what makes her so special. With or without her hair, Braun has never been more beautiful both inside and out.
Slowly but surely, it seems that life’s routine is getting back to the pre “M” word state. While nobody knows what the future will hold, for any of us, I am happy to say that my “sick feeling” rears its ugly head less and less with each passing day.
I am so thankful to all the health care providers that had a hand in Braun’s diagnosis, treatment and recovery. I’ve always had a soft spot for those professions (as Mackenna is a nurse), but it really hits home when you or someone you love is on the receiving end of the care. The smallest gestures on a patient’s darkest day can truly make all the difference. Braun had many examples of health care staff that went above and beyond and helped to put her at ease. To all the doctors, nurses and other health professionals, you truly have some of the toughest jobs on earth. Please know that your comments and actions can and do make a difference and have a huge impact in the lives of the patients you touch. Sincere and heartfelt thanks to all who had a hand in caring for this patient – you probably noticed, but in case you didn’t – she’s a pretty special person!
TAKEAWAYS
BE KIND – Nobody knows what anyone else is going through. One person’s best day can be another’s worst. When we first got the news and our family was devastated– I looked around and saw the rest of the world going about their business. It really sunk in to me then. A little bit of kindness can go a very long way.
COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS – Even during very bad times, there are always things to be thankful for. Whatever you are going through – there are always others that are worse off than you. Not everyone has a loving family, a robust support system, access to top-notch medical care, job security, financial stability, etc. Some people have none of those things. While that doesn’t make the bad time you are going through any less significant – it does help put some things in perspective.
LIVE YOUR LIFE TO THE FULLEST – Life is short. Nobody knows how long he or she has on this earth. Do the things you love while you can do them. Try to do something every day that brings you joy. Try to bring joy to others. This life isn’t practice for anything. Surround yourself with the people you love and make sure they know you love them.
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