FOUR - Our first trip to London.
Once we wake up, life seems calm for a second. We lay in bed silently, although our minds are anything but silent. Tanner and I both know we are scared beyond belief, just by looking at one another. We get up, and try to mentally prepare ourselves for whatever today is going to bring, and this point we know its going to bring a lot.
First things first, we need coffee! As we are in the line at Tim Hortons I get a call from an unknown number. As soon as I see the "Unknown Caller ID" my heart instantly drops - this will be London calling. I answer the phone with a shaky voice. On the other end of the phone is a lady that introduces herself as a receptionist for a neurology surgeon. I will keep both of these name anonymous, but these two people, I owe my life to! Her voice is calming, which puts me at ease even though I know she will be the bearer of bad news. She doesn't mess around and gets right to the point, putting me right back into full defense mode. She says that the surgeon has received my referral from the emerge doctor in Owen Sound, and has taken a look at it. She said that the surgeon would like to get me down to London for a CT scan and an MRI to get a better picture of what is going on. The scans would be followed up by a consultation to make a plan going forward. As I agreed to everything she was saying, I felt sick to my stomach. I knew this was likely going to be the next step, but it felt like a slap in the face all over again. But hey, we have entered the twilight zone, right!?
June 3rd was a Thursday and they wanted us there the next day at 7:30 am. It was a 3 hour drive from Owen Sound to London, so that meant it was going to be an early morning! With my sister home, we thankfully were able to leave her in charge of Wren, and she would get her to and from daycare while we were gone for the day. My Mom and Dad also wanted to come with us for the trip to London to be there for support, even though they knew they weren't allowed in the hospital due to COVID restrictions. With plans to leave at 4 am we called it an early night on Thursday.
My parents picked Tanner and I up from our house around 3:30 am Friday June 4th. We made our way down to London and once we arrived we left my parents after big hugs, a couple of tears, and them saying it will all be okay. Even to this day, it’s hard to hear “it will all be okay” because I know it’s how people hope to bring peace to you and themselves, but to be honest, I’ve realized, everything isn’t always okay (which is why we are in this situation). Some people go through misery, and still have outcomes that affect their day to day life, it doesn’t feel okay most of the time.
We enter the hospital and go through the COVID protocols and registration. We were directed to the MRI floor and proceeded up. They weren’t long to get me prepped and I took a dose of Ativan 30 mins before the MRI (which my doctor had prescribed) so that I could calm my nerves, as it was my first one ever! I was directed to get into a gown and sit in a small waiting area. Tanner was in a different waiting room outside the doors I was sitting next to. The doors were ones that opened automatically, so we were positioned to wave and smile at each other every time the doors opened. His constant smile and wave made that long waiting period go by much faster, and by the end we were giggling each time we saw each other. When they called my back into the MRI room, I was sad that I wouldn't get to see him one more time! I had my MRI and didn’t find it too bad, the nurses and support staff were lovely and very calming. Once that was done, we were sent to have a CT scan, which is much easier and quicker than an MRI (they are both used to show different things within the brain). Now that both scans were done, it was time to head to see the surgeon for our consultation. Sitting in those leather chairs in a small quiet room was probably the most nervous I’ve ever been. We were waiting to see what our course of action was, and hopefully get some of our questions answered.
Our consultation went as well as it could have. We were happy with the surgeon we had, he seemed experienced and overly qualified. He went over the risks, as every doctor must do, and said that we would need to set up a time to get this tumour removed quickly.
Tan and I left this consultation again feeling numb and not sure what to think, even though all our questions had been answered. Although going ahead with the surgery was a scary thought, I think we both felt oddly more at peace, as we knew it needed to be done and there were no if‘s, and’s, or but’s about it. We found we liked to be informed, but also told what to do (which was much different than our radiation appointment - coming post) , as leaving decisions up to us in these circumstances seemed overwhelming and impossible at this moment in time.
Key points from the consultation were:
The tumor was in fact fairly large (5cm x 6cm)
It was on the left frontal lobe and had probably been growing for numerous years
I would need a craniotomy with hopes of a full resection
Due to where the tumour was located, there was a chance that communication and memory would be effected
The surgeon assumed at this given time it was a "meningioma" but a sample of the tumour would be sent away to ensure the kind of tumour we were dealing with
After the consultation, we met up with my parents and headed to lunch (I was unable to eat before any of my scans as a precaution). It was now 3 pm and I hadn’t eaten for 12 hours, so I was able to pick where we got lunch (bonus!). We headed to my favourite place to eat, Quizno's haha, and then headed home. Once I was done eating, I instantly fell asleep on Tanners lap, that day had me feeling like I had just ran a marathon, and rode an emotional rollercoaster all at the same time. I slept all the way home while Tan updated my parents on how the day had went.
When we got home, we met with my sister and her family at our house. We had planned to all have dinner together and discuss the day as a group. With what seemed like another bad day in the books, it ended on a happy note while we were allowed to spend time all together. Spending time together was a thing that I knew I would get lots of in the coming weeks (as my family is so supportive, and I knew they would be there for every step of healing), but it just seems like there is never enough time. I was stuck in the mindset of wanting to slow time down. I would have given anything to hold my family and my little girl for just a little longer, but also wanted time to speed up to get this surgery done and get started on the healing process.
Life Lessons:
You have a village of people that love you, cherish them and hold onto them. If you fall, they will be the ones waiting to give you a hand back up.
When it rains it pours. Try to find the positive in each day, it might be hard, but it will be worth it.
Medical Suggestions:
Make a list before an appointment. I knew I would have a ton of questions whenever it was that we got a chance to talk to the surgeon. I had a notebook where I wrote down my questions (and questions my family had) and while we were in the appointment Tanner was jotting down answers and other important information we needed to remember (for ourselves, and so we can update family thoroughly). It can be overwhelming talking to doctors and nurses, write everything down so you don't forget the first 10 seconds you leave their office.
If you're having a conversation with medical personnel, sometimes they can assume you know what they know. If you are unsure of some of the terms they are using or referring to, ask them what exactly they mean. I know some of these suggestions are common sense but when your dealing with something you have never heard of before such as a "meningioma tumour" there is a ton of new vocabulary involved.
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