THREE-
While Tanner and I (my husband) sit in the emergency room (for what seems like hours) awaiting more information after we have been told about a large tumour on the left side of my brain, he just hugs me while I cry. The emerge doctor arrives back in our room to say that they have heard back from London, and they are sure that the tumour must be removed as soon as possible. We are told that we should be expecting a call from London early the next day.
They send us home (3 hours after my scan) overflowing with unanswered questions, and feeling like we have entered the twilight zone. Once we left the hospital, I remember walking out of the emergency room doors feeling completely numb. My legs were moving but I remember not knowing how, and thinking "how do I face my family and stay somewhat strong enough to give them the facts without sobbing uncontrollably (which I knew would scare them even more)". I was holding Tanner's hand and just going through the motions.
We got in the car and headed to my parents house to see them, update them, and pickup our daughter. When we arrived I was greeted by them all sitting on the porch and I couldn't help but run up to Wren and squeeze her. I then realized the look of complete fear in both my Mom and Dad's face. We quickly went inside and I gave them the limited information we had just been told:
There was a large tumour on my brain that has likely been growing for close to a decade
It had to be removed very soon
We would be hearing from someone at London University Hospital tomorrow morning to see what the next steps were.
Wren was up way past her bedtime and fell asleep on me while we were updating my parents. We had decided to let her sleep at my parents for the night, so Tanner slipped home to pack her an overnight bag (the girl can't sleep without her sleep sack on haha). During this time my Aunt had showed up in a panic as she was also going off very little information that my mom had given her from when I called the first time. She rushed in and gave me hug and we updated her with what we knew at the time. Now, I'm not much of a hugger, but let me tell you the only thing holding me together at this point was hugging my family.
By this time Tanner had returned, as we only live a couple minutes from my parents, and had brought food with him (isn't he perfect!). While we sit down to eat dinner at 10 pm my sister and brother in law and two nephews arrive (don't I have the best family!?) and I instantly get a hug from my sister, again, helping me keep it together. We cry, but remind each other its going to be okay and we are going to get through it. Our family has always been a fairly "tough" family and often just buckle down and get through whatever it is that we need to do, because we know there is no other way. Seeing my nephews was one of the most important parts of the night because they are a constant light in my life, and hilarious nonetheless. The rest of the night we all sit in my parents living room (my husband and I, my parents, my sister's family, and my aunt) and go over the details as much as possible and talk about what might happen in the days to come, and how this all makes perfect sense given my past of migraines.
During the time we spent with my family that night, there were limited tears as I don't think I realized the severity of the tumour at that point and what it meant for me. I had already told my work that I would need the unforeseeable future off (I am a teacher) and could have fallen asleep at any given second given the night we had just had, but I had just one more thing to do... call my best friend. I knew this wasn't going to be an easy phone call, and knew there would be tears on both ends but I felt like it needed to be done, and done tonight. I head down to my parents basement where I call my best friend. This conversation alone will be its own blog post as it has its own individual story, and needs further explanation.
With the worst day of our lives coming to an end, Tanner and I head home to get some sleep. We arrive home and I remember how tired I was, but knowing sleep wasn't going to come easy. Tanner and I lay awake talking for about an hour and asking each other a lot of scary questions while he hugged me and I cried. This was and still is the worst day of my life.
LIFE LESSONS:
I'll say it again, family is everything!
Everything can change in a matter of moments, be as prepared as you possibly can, and don't take time for granted.
MEDICAL SUGGESTIONS:
This was my first scan ever, after a decade of migraines. I always had a gut feeling something was off, but I didn't push enough. My advice, PUSH, even it is hard and you feel uncomfortable, tell people what you want!
Don't panic. I know that sounds impossible during moments of crisis, but wait for the information before you assume the worst. Then make a plan on how to move forward.
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