LOVED ONE - Alana's Perspective
The definition of a best friend is simply “a person’s closest friend”. That seems like an odd definition to me because Braun is so much more than just a close friend to me. We have been a part of each other’s lives for almost our entire lives - 24 years to be exact - and with that we’ve been there for each other through all the good and all of the bad.
There are not many people in my life where I can actually remember meeting them, but the day I met Braun is for some reason clear as day. We met at a birthday party in Kindergarten where we bonded over our love for bologna sandwiches and then followed it up with jumping rope together in the driveway. I know you’re thinking “that’s the most random thing I’ve ever heard”, and trust me I agree, but clearly the conversation had a lasting impression because we’ve been inseparable ever since.
All throughout our childhood and teenage years we stuck together and made it through the awkward, tough and often hilarious times. The day we had to say goodbye before we moved away to school (her in Ottawa and me in St. Catharines) was soooo dramatic! I was losing my best friend! But a little (or a lot) of distance couldn’t effect our bond. Since we went away to school at 18 years old we’ve only lived in the same city for 6 months but we’ve maintained the same level of friendship that we’ve always had. If anything we are closer now than ever, having now shared the most significant parts of our lives together.
I mentioned previously that we have been together for all of the good and all of the bad in each other’s lives. That obviously brings us to why I’m writing this post. Just like the day I met Braun, June 2, 2021 is burned into my memory forever.
Text from Braun Shlakat June 2, 2021 9:31 pm
“Long story short, I have a mass on the front of my brain. Details will come tomorrow!”
That’s not exactly the type of text you’re expecting to read from your best friend while you’re sitting at home watching TV and winding down for the night. My first thought was “what a weird thing to say”, immediately followed by “wait, what the hell!?”. My exact response was “Woah, what? No you have to call me right now”.
Braun called me about 30 minutes later (longest 30 minutes of my life) and started to explain to me what had happened – that she had had a CT scan that day and that they found a tumour on her brain. I didn’t even know that she had a CT done, because like Carmen said, Braun didn’t expect it to result in anything so it wasn’t something that came up in our previous conversations that week. I immediately went into shock. I couldn’t stop shaking, I started crying and couldn’t even comprehend what she was saying on the other end. Tumour!? Like cancer!? How is this even happening?
The thoughts and questions running through my head at that point were endless, and I was absolutely heartbroken that my friend was going through this. I will never forget her saying on the phone that night through her tears “you need to get checked when your head hurts Alana”. It’s important to know that I’ve suffered from migraines since I was a little girl. So to hear that Braun’s migraines weren’t actually migraines really killed me. All these years that she has been suffering from her headaches I’ve tried to give her advice based on everything I’ve experienced. But through everything I never pushed her to get scanned. I’ve had CT scans myself for my headaches, so why couldn’t I have just stressed the importance of it? The simple answer is because no one ever thinks something like this will happen to them or someone they love. And that’s just something I’m going to have to live with at this point.
I tried to keep my emotions in check while I was on the phone with her (which was next to impossible and I don't think I did a very good job) because, even though I was crumbling inside, I knew that she was feeling one million times more scared, angry and sad than me. I told her how we would get through this and that we didn’t know everything yet and that it may not be as bad as we think. Being the absolute warrior that she is Braun had already set in her mind that this thing needed to be figured out and dealt with as quickly as possible, because she had one little lady in her life that she needed to be there for and that was that.
After we got off the phone, I broke into a million pieces. I think I may have cried for the remainder of the night, and it took everything in my power not to jump in the car and drive to Owen Sound (I live in Hamilton). Some of you may wonder why I didn’t just do that, but I knew that Braun was going through it, and that her family was there to support her. I’m very close with Braun’s family, but in that moment I didn’t know my place. I didn’t want to be a burden, plain and simple. I didn’t want to be that person sitting there while a family was trying to keep it together, so I stayed. I still regret that decision.
The next day was a blur. I talked to Braun more and tried to get more information. I had made the decision to go to Owen Sound that Sunday because I just wanted to be there for her in a ‘normal’ way. I had decided that that was going to be my role. She was going through an extremely abnormal situation, was having to answer a million questions and didn’t have many ways to take her mind off of what was happening. I knew I needed to just be her normal, happy friend and someone that she could mindlessly ask questions to or say scary things to without expecting an answer or solution.
Fast forward to a week later, the weekend before her craniotomy. I obviously went home to Owen Sound and her family was kind enough to spare one night without her so on the Friday night we just did what we normally do – laid on the couch talking and eating junk food. The Saturday I spent with her and her family, which all seemed normal except for the big elephant in the room.
Saying goodbye to Braun on Sunday was extremely hard. Of course there were tears, but in true Alana fashion I had to keep it light hearted in some way. “It’s not like you’re going to die”. We both laughed but shamefully all I was thinking was “I hope”. This is the stuff people don’t often talk about and I know Braun wants this blog to be relatable for those going through this. Straight up I was so scared something was going to go wrong. I was obviously very hopeful that everything was going to go smoothly, but there have been so many instances where standard surgeries go wrong. So I was scared.
The day of her surgery was not unlike the day after finding out about her tumour. I was kind of just walking around in a fog and couldn't think of anything else. The moment I found out her surgery was successful was one of the best moments of my life (thanks Tan for including me in the updates that day). They had confirmed that it was “uneventful”, that they got most of the tumour out and that she was awake and responsive. I could breathe a sigh of relief. When she finally messaged me herself I was able to relax knowing that she was going to get through this. She FaceTimed me when she was on her way home from London, and it was the best call of my life. Also hilarious because she was very drugged up.
Life since surgery has had it’s ups and downs for Braun. She is a planner, and not being able to plan and control her recovery the way she’d like has been tough. I try to remind her that she has been through literal hell and back, and the fact that she is only 4 months post-op and has achieved so many milestones since is literally nothing short of amazing.
There are going to be more hurdles that Braun will need to go through during this recovery phase, but I know that she will get through it all because she is strong, resilient and has an insane amount of people standing beside her supporting her.
Life Lessons
Watching her go through this extremely traumatic event has taught me that we are capable of so much more than we think. Most people would think that this would crush them, life would be over. But Braun has taken the bull by the horn and has fought this battle (and continues to fight this battle) with grace and strength, proving that she is capable of literally anything.
I’ve also been taught that life is extremely short, and that there is literally nothing more important than family. Remember when I said that a best friend is defined as your closest friend? Well I’d rather define a best friend as someone who is your chosen family. Braun is my chosen family and I’m so thankful that I get to live this life with such an amazing, strong woman by my side.
Comments