A Sisters Standpoint

LOVED ONE

Kind, beautiful, intelligent and hardworking are the words I would use when describing my sister. Then, June 2, 2021 happened, and now I add strong, warrior, and survivor because she just underwent a surprise, emergency Craniotomy 2 and a half months ago.

On June 2, 2021 we received the earth shattering news that my younger and only sister had a LARGE meningioma brain tumour. My name is Carmen, and I am here to give you my perspective on receiving such devastating news about your baby sister.

I want to give you a little background about my relationship with my sister. I want you to be able to understand how raw and real my emotions are as a big sister, and how tough it was/is navigating this uncertain and scary journey we were about to embark on.

Here is a quote from one of my dear friends when she found out about my sisters tumour…

“ When I heard about Braun, I said to myself, this couldn’t be happening to closer pair of sisters” and “I’m so sorry Carmen”.

These are quotes I have heard numerous times throughout this whole situation that has stayed with me. It sums up Braun and I’s relationship to a “T”.

Braun and I are very close, she is my VERY best friend. She is the ONLY person that I tell all my thoughts to and the only person’s opinion that I truly value (even above my husband’s most of the time haha). We were taught that we are so lucky to have each other. Our parents have always stressed the importance of family. We have a very tight knit family and making sure everyone is okay, is priority number one. We always support each other through tough times and celebrate the happy times.

Braun has never missed an important moment in my life, and I have never missed one in hers. We will move mountains to make sure that we support each other. We were “Maid of Honours” in each other weddings, she was in the labour and delivery room with me when I had both my boys, and I was with her when she had her daughter.

Now that you have an understanding of our dynamic, I want to take you on the journey the weekend before her CT scan, and the night I got “THE” phone call about the CT scan.

May 28,29,30

Braun was up visiting us with Wren for the weekend. It was one of the first times that we had gotten together since the 3rd COVID lockdown. We had a great weekend here, my husband set up the projector outside and the kids watched movies, rode power wheels, and had a ton of fun in the mud kitchen. It was a lot of fun! Later that night when the kids went to bed, we were talking about life, and doing our usual rundown of the week. I remember her saying to me that she had a CT scan the upcoming Tuesday (June 2), that it was just to rule out anything serious and then the doctors would try to make a new plan to find better meds that help with her headaches. That couldn’t have been FURTHER from what happened during the CT scan that day.

FAST FORWARD…

June 2, 2021

It was a regular Wednesday. I was teaching online that day and the boys were at daycare. To be honest, I didn’t remember that Braun had her CT because I TRULY did not think that anything would be wrong. I left my phone in my room on the charger, and was hanging out with my family that night and didn’t check my phone. When I finally heard it ringing I picked it up and it was my mom and she said “Have you talked to Braun?”. I said no… but, I could tell something was VERY wrong. At this time, I still didn’t remember that she was having her CT scan that day. My mom said “It’s not good, she has a large mass on her brain”. I screamed “WHAT” a few times, and then dropped the phone and couldn’t breathe. I was pacing the house hyperventilating and shaking my hands as though they had pins and needles in them. My husband picked up my phone and was talking to my mom. While he was talking to her I was in shock and I went full boar and started jamming clothes into bags for us all and racing out the door (we live 2 and a half hours away). I am so lucky my kids and husband are so flexible, because I had them in the car racing back to my hometown minutes from that phone call. When I got to my parents my sister and brother in law were there and all I could do is hug her while we cried.

I stayed for the next month… I was lucky school was online at this time, and I was able to work remotely to be there for her and help with her family.

I couldn’t leave her. The days before Braun went to the neurologist in London were a blur, scary, and full of “What if’s”. Some of my “What if’s” were so scary I could only think about them when I went to bed. I didn’t want anyone to see me cry that hard. I often tell Braun that I know it’s not my body and my life that this happened/is happening to but, the feelings I have surrounding it are so real and deep because of our bond. I still can’t put into words the love I feel for her. It’s just a BIG feeling.

FAST FORWARD…

July 16, 2021

My whole family went to London on the BIG day of the craniotomy. We waited in a hotel to make sure that things went okay. We wanted to feel close to her on that day. We couldn’t sit at home 3 hours away knowing she was there. We never got to see her in the hospital because of COVID but, all being together in London made us feel connected. We also didn’t want Tanner to be alone after dropping her off at the hospital that day.

“EVERYTHING WENT WELL AND ACCORDING TO PLAN”… I’ll never forget the exhales of relief from everyone in the room at that moment! That was the first thing that Tanner said when he got off the phone with the doctor.

From that day on, we have banned together and made sure that we are there to help with anything and everything that she needs. I also was happy to have lots of auntie time because I was in charge of Wren during this time! No complaints there! Our kids have such a tight bond that it brought them happiness in all this darkness.

Braun is taking it one day at a time and I could not be more thankful to the doctors and nurses that saved my sisters life. I feel so much warmth when I think about them.

TAKE AWAY LESSONS…

You truly can’t control anything in your life. I have learned to sit in the moment that you are in at that time, and just thoroughly enjoy it. Once I get ahead of myself and start thinking about the dark ‘what if’s”, I lose the small joys that are happening right in front me at that moment. We can only live life for today and this moment.

Take full advantage of TODAY!

Love,

A fierce big sister XO