ELEVEN- Phew, what a holiday break that was! Christmas was magical for us, Wren was in her glory. We were able to spend it in Ottawa with Tanner's family and it was nothing short of amazing. Wren was able to see her G-Nan from Saskatchewan, whom she hasn't seen since she was about 4 months old, and it was apparent they missed each other. We had a lovely outdoor visit with the rest of our extended family as we were all being cautious of COVID restrictions. It was followed by New Years, and man were we ready for a fresh start and to put 2021 behind us for good. The holidays came and went in the blink of an eye but this year they just hit differently. I went into it with a new appreciation of friends and family and the understanding of how precious each moment with them is. I am hoping everyone had a great holiday season!
Picking up where we left off from 3 months post-op (September) until the end of 2021, it was multiple months of adjustments. I was supposed to be returning to "Normal Life" but found it extremely hard and filled with worry. I had multiple ER visits throughout that time for a variety of concerns, all of which turned out to be nothing... thank you anxiety for countless hours in the ER waiting room.
In October I had a scheduled MRI and everything looked good BUT, they had found a new concern - a small tumour in my Pituitary gland (FML). I instantly went right back to all those feelings I had on June 2 when I found out about my meningioma. I found out about this tumour when I accessed "My Charts" (a website where all your medical updates and reports are found). I read through the report skipping over all the big words that I didn't know, to find a couple that sounded concerning. After a little research on the internet (I know this isn't helpful, but in times of panic I found myself researching without even realizing), I instantly went into panic mode. Tanner was at hockey, I had called him multiple times and texted him to say, "Call me asap, there is another tumour." A text in which I never thought I would send again. I called my neurosurgeon right away and asked for him to call me so that I could get his opinion on this matter. The thought of another tumour consumed me for 7 whole days. I wasn't back to work full time but the days I was scheduled to work, I took off. I wanted to be ready for that return phone call from London and be prepared to take the call/news and react in whichever way I needed to. The last thing I would want is to have to cry and walk out on my Grade 6 students. I had told my parents and family about the possibility of another tumour and they all faced it with a brave face.
I went to my mom's work to tell her, there were tears and hugs but we tried to stay positive until we had more information. All we were running on was my reading of a medical report, and I'm no doctor! I told her at work, and went home, an hour later she was at my house. She said "It's not fun to worry alone, I'll just sit with you". She is an angel. As we chatted we instantly did what our family does in times of stress and worry, we did anything and everything we could to stay busy. That week, we painted my kitchen cupboards and did lots of small house renos. It felt good to be busy while we waited and waited for a call. The call took a while to come...
The call came on the following Tuesday (November 2). London had called and I was able to speak directly with my neurosurgeon and he seemed happy? He said that he was still very pleased with how the surgery and recovery had went and that there was no new regrowth at the resection site. This was great, but it still wasn't my main concern at this point, I wanted to know about the pituitary gland. He said he was able to see the small growth but because the pituitary gland wasn't his area of expertise, he could refer me to an endocrinologist if I would like. Of course I said yes! At this point he couldn't confirm that it was a tumour, again we waited. I know my neurosurgeon is beyond a brilliant man, so him not being able to confirm oddly brought me some peace? He's seen a lot in his days and knows things when he sees them, and he couldn't confirm it, so that was good in a sense? His uncertainty and lack of panic about it, gave me some peace, because the last tumour and whole situation needed medical attention and FAST.
I waited months for a follow up call from the endocrinologist, and tried to stay somewhat positive as there was no confirmation yet. I wanted to believe that my meningioma was the only brain issue I would have to worry about, but now for all of my follow-ups there will always be two important things that I needed to hear: that there is no regrowth, and that the pituitary gland growth did not increase in size.
While I waited for that endo call I received many other medical opinions about the scan and what they saw, and also received additional information about the pituitary gland growth. In non-medical lingo, these type of tumours are extremely common (about 30% of people have them), they are usually benign (hoping mine is), they grow very slowly, and if it needed to be removed it wasn't an overly invasive procedure (they remove them by going in through your nose). These types of tumours affect your hormone levels , which is why they are more prominent in women. Many of these types of tumour go undetected, but because I have lots of up-to-date imaging, it was found. At this moment, I am torn between wanting to know every single thing that is going on in my brain, but could also see how fitting the saying "ignorance is bliss" could be in this situation. One doctor explained it as "what you have already went through and what this pituitary gland tumour entails, is like night and day. You have been through the worst, this one is a small issue". I tried to find reassurance and peace in that. So now we wait for the call... again...
With a fresh start, January seemed like the new positive start we were needing. January consisted of getting back to work, and having my next 3 month follow up MRI. I had a follow up MRI on Jan 20th, and all looked well! No new regrowth and the pituitary gland tumour looked the same. These were as good of results as we could have asked for. I had received the call from the endocrinologist and I had a video appointment scheduled for Feb. 17th (details in the next post). I continue to feel like this will be the best year yet!
As you already know this whole process has made me somewhat of a worry wart. As I continue to advocate for my health, I knew I needed to talk to someone, my worries still seem to get the best of me. Next week, I have my first appointment with a therapist, and I couldn't be more excited! I also was put in touch with a neurologist in Owen Sound as another outlet that I could access. I was able to meet with him in January and he was able to answer a lot more questions that I had, also eliminating some more of my worry. Thankfully, I was able to meet with him the day after my scan and he was able to give me the results then, this avoided me having to wait on a call from London, and also trying to read the report myself- both of which I am terrible at.
Current Update: Everything at this point seems calm, still many unknowns, but I am getting back to things that make me feel like myself more and more. Although life will never be the same, I am welcoming a "New Normal" and learning lots along the way.
LIFE LESSONS:
Be present - the holidays made me realize how important it is to be present. Family and friends are everything, through this whole process it has taught me to nurture those relationships, because at the end of the day those are the people that you will you will lean on, and receive the most support from. I don't know what will come for me in terms of health, I hope it is smooth sailing from here on out. The one thing that I do know is that it's not worth my time to stress the small things, or worry myself to the point of being mad and irritated waiting for something that may never happen. There are a lot of things in this world we can't control.
MEDICAL SUGGESTIONS:
Keep going - I felt defeated when I found out about the pituitary glad tumour. Like as if one tumour wasn't enough, now I have another. I had to take a couple days and let myself be mad, upset, and irritated. I then had to put on my big girl pants, and tackle this head on. I educated myself in any way I could and mentally prepared myself for whatever could come my way. I had to tell myself that even though ignorance can be bliss, I needed to treat this tumour with the same attitude as the first one. Educate, and move forward to be a healthier version of myself. It wasn't fun, and it wasn't easy, but even if you don't realize it, there are a lot of people rooting for you.
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